Boyfriend (m23) often prefers masturbating than sex with me (f22)
2020.10.31 20:11 xxxchubbyb Boyfriend (m23) often prefers masturbating than sex with me (f22)
Hi :) I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 2.5 years and a really common thread throughout our time together has been problems within our sex life. When we started dating (I was 20 he was 21) we would be intimate almost every single day. As time went on, that decreased (And that is to be expected, I know). But by the time we hit the 2 year mark, we were having sex once every 2-3 weeks. That didn’t work for me at all. I have a higher drive than my partner does, so if I had it my way, we’d have sex almost everyday, but that doesn’t work for him, and I get that. He says that his goal is to be intimate once every 2ish days which I would be thrilled with, but that just isn’t happening. He still is masturbating quite regularily (once every day or so). I am not ‘allowed’ to initiate anything sexual with him. If I do, he shuts down automatically and he feels really upset and guilty because he feels like he’s disappointing me and making me feel dissatisfied. I will definitely admit that those fears are valid. I have told him that this is a part of our relationship that I’m not satisfied with and I really want to see changes occurring but that seems to make it worse. When we do have sex together it seems like there is a checklist of things that have to fit together perfectly to make it happen. (He has to have had a good day at work, we need to have at least an hour or two blocked off in the calendar, we need to have spent romantic time together that day, it needs to be after 5pm but before 8pm. These aren’t hard ‘rules’ per say, but more like trends I’ve been noticing). I’ve definitely felt hurt about this issue because I feel really rejected from it. It’s really tough for me not to blame my own appearance on this decline in sex, especially when he is still pleasuring himself all the time. Stemming from this issue, we saw a couples counsellor a couple of times and she has been trying to help us with some of these problems. One of the tasks she gave him was to stop masturbating and see if that increases the frequency of sex with both of us. Since giving him that task, he hasn’t changed his habits at all and I think I’m both concerned and also frustrated. On one hand I’m feeling angry because this sort of ‘sexual frustration’ or denial or whatever that he would experience by not masturbating is too much for him for just a few weeks even though to me it feels like that is the frustration I’ve been feeling for the last two years. I feel angry about it honestly, but I think it also may be because I experience masturbation differently than he does. On the other hand, I’m also feeling a bit concerned for him because of the difficulty he is having to decline self pleasuring. Could it be a sign of a bigger issue (like a porn or masturbation addiction or something?). Again, I recognize that his experience is likely really different from my own (in regards to masturbation I just am mostly indifferent but can enjoy it sometimes, so I think having to give it up for a period of time wouldn’t really be much of an issue). So I’m looking for other people to give their thoughts on if you think it’s a problem, or if you think its normal, or if you think I’m just being way too impatient (which I’m sure I am to some degree). Do you have any advice or stories of your own experience to share? Thanks xx
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2020.10.31 19:06 cynicaldaddy 29 [M4F] Dom looking for sweet and petite LTR
I figure this maybe worth a shot. I'm a 29 year old, 6 foot tall, brown hair, blue eyed, red bearded, average weight Soft Dom looking for a sweet petite service sub. I know submission is earned, so I don't expect that aspect to take off until we're ready. Its gonna get a little explicit here..
I'm looking for a real relationship but posting here because... well, let's face it I've got more kinks than a bucket of S's and 5's haha. I can't really mention that stuff on dating apps, so rather than trying to find somebody as sexual as I am there, I'm trying here. Seems like I discover more regularly. The list of stuff I'm not interested in is probably shorter than the list of stuff I am in to. Pet play and pet names go hand in hand. If "kitten" is an appropriate pet name for you, you might be just what im looking for.
DDLG/Pet Play Slutty Anal Thigh highs Exhibition Oral Cock Worship (i need a girl who loves it) Breeding And the list goes on.
I'm an extremely intimate person. I care a lot for people and love hard. I'm a very family oriented person but have no kids and have never been married. I'm very driven, and have goals. I know what I'm looking for. I want a partner. Build each other up, have eachothers back, and make sure the others needs are met. But I'm also going to show you off a bit, and tie you up in the bedroom. 😂
It would likely be a LD type relationship for now, as I travel a lot for work. I have my own business now doing contract work in energy. Hopefully, next year I'll be starting another business. Ideally, I'd like somebody in my life who wants to do that as well. Taking care of and playing with animals all day, every day (though it is much more complicated than that).
If you'd like to talk a bit and see if we click, send me a message. We can trade pics after chatting for awhile if it goes well.
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2020.10.31 19:04 Imaginary_Air Can I just get something off my chest here? :S
I do know that I am bisexual, realising at 15 that I have those feelings for girls too. Too, I had a giant crush on this guy in my class for way too long for no reason at all. Yet I am here.
Currently I am in a one-and-a-half year long relationship with my boyfriend, a relationship that I have doubted from the start. It was me who initiated it, I was crushing on him because he had drunkenly opened up about his mental health. Who doesn’t like sad boys? After the first few dates I started doubting, but his overenthusiasm and my ex that had no time to date dating again made me stay. Doubling down on that he was better in bed, he communicated and wanted to make me feel good, something my ex didn’t. I wanted to learn. It embarrassed me that I had no real experience after my long term relationship, I had never given or received head, I had never wanted to. My boyfriend makes me happy when he is there and stays neutral when he is not. I care about him, I want the best for him, I want to make him feel good. Yet I feel empty.
So I started doubting everything, am I just not into him? Was my previous relationship fake? Then why did that break-up crush me so so much? Am I merely asexual? Why are women so pretty that I just cannot stop staring? Why do I only ever fantasize about them? Would I actually be into them? I know I tend to click better with guys, women are hard to get to know, but that might just be their absence in my field of work. I cannot seriously imagine anything actually happening with another women. Yet the idea keeps enticing me.
I have this male friend that I hang out with a lot, while I don’t get to see my partner, both due to COVID. We have a weird history where we used to cuddle, I know he is into me and I am into him to a certain extend. I am very comfortable around him, we get each other on an extra level and have been getting more touchy again, honestly I kind of miss him too. He turns me on, no, the tension and forbiddenness turns me on. The thought of seeing him naked disgusts me, I think. I have rejected him (dared to this time I guess..), because the idea of a romantic relationship together made me go nope. Yet I keep coming back.
What is it that is bothering me? Do I just not love my bf? Is that why I can’t tell him that I love him? And why I don’t actually know of anything that I want in bed? I like pleasing him, I like being desired by him, but I don’t like seeing him. I love to cuddle and be intimate, I love the way he acts and reacts, it’s just so cute. Yet is that enough?
Honestly though, why is it so hard to make up my mind? Why do I worry so much about not hurting my bf and why do I really not want to leave him? It’s all just so confusing and I am not ready to confront this shit. YET I KEEP FUCKING THINKING ABOUT IT.
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2020.10.31 18:10 FluffyNutts86 Approach partner about porn
A little back story on our history together. We have been married for 1 month now but have been together for 8 years. We both have insecurites and throughout our time together, we believed we over analyzed a lot of things and caused us to lose ourselves and change if that makes sense? I used to be able to masturbate no problem, especially before this relationship. I used to really enjoy it and bascially was a daily routine, I loved it! She has expressed for the longest time that things that happened in her child hood prevents herself from getting herself off. At the beginning I really didnt believe it until I started meeting her family, started hearing the stories and was like yeah, I understand completely now. This was just within the first few months. I literally didnt masturbate for roughly 3 to 4 years.
I really want to be able to masturbate again. I think I cant because I fee bad that she cant and I would feel guilty. We are both insecure so porn was always an issue for us. Our mindset was you only get off watching it because you watch the porn and end up cumming because of the porn. I know its silly but we are trying to work on things and repair us. Nothing bad is going on but I feel like we are revisiting past insecurites and working as a team to build each other up.
About 4 years ago we started using methamphetamine and eventually porn got brought into it. Sex drive is through the roof on it. I would literally watch it all the time even during sex and I thought it was okay because she asked me to watch it in front of her and all that. Eventually she got really uncomfortable with it and basically we came to an agreement we wouldnt watch it anymore. We only used for about a year and have been clean 3 years or around there.
She has told me a lot that she fantasizes about me masturbating when she isnt around or if im in the bath she has said she stood by the door listening to see if she could hear me.
We have started to help build each other like during intimate times I will try and stroke myself infront of her and at the same time touch her during foreplay because it literally turns her on. I have even begun to have her help me touch her like if I am giving her oral I will ask her to rub her clit and she does no issues and seems its helping her get comfortable with time. I cant keep an erection long if im in front of her and im stroking myself because I have size insecurites and it makes me get in my head but she has never complained about my size but people in the past have making me this way.
Ive always been a visual person. I have never been able to masturbate with out a visual. She feels I think about the girls on there to be able to get off or she would look at history and see a video title of say emo blowjob on the video and think that I want a emo girl. Truth is I dont even really look at the faces at the time or even care about the title, I would click on what position or fantasy I was feeling at the moment. And I think I prefer visuals because of my size issue, there is a lot of things I can't do or experience I feel so I use masturbation and porn as a way to fulfil a fantasy in my head. My wife is awesome though, we have opened up a lot and she literally trys to fulfil every fantasy.
So please help me Reddit! Now to the issue, how can I approach my partner about me wanting to use porn to help me masturbate with out feeling bad and being respectful of her? I want to be able to fix outselves and have a normal healthy masturbation routine. Thanks to everyone who reads this!
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2020.10.31 15:28 coyita_ sci-fi/dystopian/mish-mash
I have a very vague idea that I'd love to develop more. My character is a very human-like android who desperately wants out of her position in life. She was originally created (though I'd love to speak to my partner more about her creation to better finalize some details) as an intimate companion for government officials. Your character can be anyone you like, but I'm leaning towards him being some sort of official, or some important person in the power structure that has grown disillusioned. I'm sensing this world may be our own and, after many years of some geopolitical tension, has progressed to the point that most of the world is controlled by a single, autocratic force.
As far as technology and alien races and the like - I don't usually write sci-fi and I don't tend to like very high elements of it. I like very human problems, and I enjoy romance, slice of life, and adventure in that order. This story will mostly focus on the main characters, though we could branch out into some world-saving if we get to that point.
I write through Google docs, and I like to think I'm somewhat decent. I do have writing samples, though nothing in the genre. I hope you also have writing samples. I require my partners to be over 21 and I will not negotiate this. There will be adult themes in the story, after all. I also am not looking for explicit smut, though I will write it with other irl women. Please do not approach me thinking that this will focus on my character's work as basically a courtesan as that is something she wants to diverge from.
Please let me know if you're interested! I have quite a lot of vague ideas, but I'd love to build this world together. Thanks!
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2020.10.31 15:09 rterrence Should I be worried about being exposed to HIV?
First of all, no shame to anyone living with HIV!!
I (M25) broke up with my boyfriend (M33) in February and we began speaking again, essentially one thing led to another and recently we've been intimate twice now.
He told me recently he has been seeing someone else but they're in an more open relationship. He is on PREP and so is this partner of his, but they both seem to have other encounters. I am not on PREP.
We recently hooked up but we did not have any anal sex, just foreplay. There was no ejaculating in my mouth or anything like that but I can't promise that in the heat of the moment anything could have gotten in there.
I've recently been experiencing STI symptoms, but just got test results back and I'm clear. While on the phone with my doctor though she seriously started to scare me about being exposed to HIV (granted I always find heterosexual doctors to be a little poor when handling this topic with gay men) and told me that although my risk is low it's still possible.
Now she has me freaked out a bit and I need to ask my fellow gaybros if I'm overreacting :( I did so much research and it basically says there is an EXTREMELY low chance, but maybe I just need some reassurance from the community.
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2020.10.31 14:31 LazyCollie Any advice?
I need advice
I (26M) have been with my partner (22F) for the past 3 years. We have a kid together who will soon be 2.
Around the time our kid was born we were a lot less intimate which I’m sure is normal. We were so tired all of the time. As time passed and we got used to being parents my partner began wanting sex again and I still haven’t got that want.
I have no interest at all in sex, it’s left me entirely. The idea of it seems like such a task for me and I’ll try anything I can to avoid having it.
She’s a great mother, I still find her attractive, I don’t want to be with anyone else. Everything in our life is going great apart from this one thing. I do feel bad because it’s not doing her confidence any good every time I reject her. It’s also not doing my mental health any good every time we have to do it.
Somethings changed in me I cringe at any kind of affection, I hate any physical contact with other people. I wasn’t like this three years ago.
Anyone else gone through this? Any advice?
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2020.10.31 13:53 Idkmedoyou can you see it?
i just want somebody to see im in pain. im lonely, i have friends but i lack the ability to open up. im stuck in my abusive household cause of covid. its been happening all my life, so im used to it, but i cant say im not extremely fucking tired of it. i just want to be held, feel love. i know im loved by friends and some family, i know that, but i cant feel it- and that hurts so bad. i just wanna feel love. whys it so hard? i want to feel love- not just know im loved. i give love as much as i can, i try to be there for others and go outta my way to conpliment them, be there for them, make them happy, etc. and it still doesnt feel enough- it still feels selfish and like i could be doing more.
and just for saying this i feel narcissistic- like im just trying to make myself sound good and not focusin on others. i was conditioned to feel that- brainwashed, abused into it. all my life ive shadowed myself- im walking but leave no footsteps. i wouldnt say dissociation- though ive been in that dissociative 'state' for almost a year now that i can remember, but before then- my whole life just feels like i watched the days go by. i have so much to be grateful for, and i am, but im so tired of being abused. im lonely. im tired. im in pain. im numb. its like i cant even face the abuse because i was conditioned to believe it isnt as bad as i feel it is, which it probably isnt. many have it worse, which doesnt make mine any better, i dont really know what im saying.
i just wish i was recognized- my pain was- my abuse was. i feel so much pressure on me- i have my own problems, abuse aside, and it just feels so hard to connect to others when i know people expect certain things. i have to take the heat for alot of my parents fuckups for things in my life i cant control yet, so it doesnt feel too good to have to make excuses for the people i cant stand most, nevermind the guilt i then feel. im so fucking depressed. i hate to admit a large part of me wants to give up. my fucking pain was and is always overlooked, Cant You See It?
in the rare times a while ago when i did speak about it- people didnt know how to react, and a therapist is a great but i want something more intimate than that. not a partner type thing. just how a therapist cant hug me or hold me or do something in that regard. i appreciate that my friend did listen, it really does mean the world, but i hate putting that on them, especially coming from a life free of abuse. i hate putting it on anyone.
since i was little ive had to sleep with pillows all up against my back and a blanket tight around me because i was sexually assaulted when i was 5. when i finally told my dad after my 1st suicide attempt and hospitilization at 15 years old, his response was not to tell my mom because itd 'crush her'- cus shed feel like a failure of a mom- cause itd make HER sad i was the one who was fucking traumatized.
i am just so tired of being there for others, feeling everybody else's pain, trying my damn hardest, and it doesnt get recognized- instead im always made to feel like it isnt enough. i try to be there for myself and make myself feel enough, but im just so fucking exhausted. i dont have anyone or anything to lean on, but it feels like i have the world leaning on me. and i cant 'crumble'- cause those people and animals deserve love and someone to be there for them- to help them- to just have a connection. and i enjoy the connection and the love, but i just wish i could rest- lean on someone to 'take over' for me for a bit- just help me out. like i said im grateful to even have a a friend to talk to, but they also have their problems lately so i wouldnt ask anything of them, ive been trying to be there for them actually. cause i care, cause i love people and want people to be happy and feel good. i enjoy doing that FOR others- not for my personal gain.
but wheres the room for me? i constantly feel like i am never doing enough, never. i dont know how to function any other way. i lack the ability to talk about my issues, i just dont know where to even begin. i cant cry, and i cant even leave this house- so how do i heal or process what im forced to still live?
i know most are probably going to read this and think im narcissistic, or like im pitying myself, and im sorry for that. i just cant take this pain any more. i cant take being abused anymore. i cant take it. i dont want this anymore. im sorry. i really fucking am.
sending love and good vibes to everyone who read this. you dont have to comment anything, so please dont feel pressure to.
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2020.10.31 13:52 cassie_to_heart 21 [F4M] Australia - Mentally beaten up, emotionally abused old soul of a trans gal looking for old souls for companionship (introducing myself with 20 Questions)
After trying to conjure up a post on what to write, I've decided to scrap the original plan of what I mustered up to write and try something new.... introducing myself via the good 'ol 20 questions approach(and no you don't have to play)
. Call it oversharing about myself but so be it.
While this may draw prospective interest from people, I am very selective in who I'm looking for and this will be unwaivering given my series of negative experiences in many subs and offline experiences. Personally, I am looking for those for whose life did not grant kind circumstances, which is a polite way of saying in that I'm seeking anyone who has rather lived a hard, perhaps tortured life, as well as those who consider themselves old souls.... even actual ones too age-wise. Whilst I consider myself an empath, I have my limits when it comes to connecting with people, and as such I do not take kindly to any platitudes of naivety given to me. Not to say I do not come equipped with trust either, because that may be given provided I am comfortable with you.
I aim to establish a long-term, actively maintaining companionship of a friend. To be put it bluntly and as a matter of tact, I am not looking for short-lasting conversations and so I highly suggest in thinking before sending a prospective message. I do not want to arrive at a position where you may find yourself suddenly unable to commit to what I'm offering when you thought of so initially.
I may seem serious for a gal, but I can be of wit, and be very relaxed.... deep down, I am very emotionally sensitive albeit, just hurt.
Now that elephant is out of the way, let's play a game of 20 questions to get to know me, with your future close, affectionate companion of a friend, Cassie. The more apt description would be me oversharing about myself, but again, I want to be upfront since this is one of my biggest desires to chase in life of searching for a golden nugget of a very close, affectionate and even intimate friend. 1) What can you tell me about yourself Cassie?
I'm 21 years old, pre-op MtF trans (not yet passing and untransitioned)
, moved to Australia with a family in 2008 when I was a 'wee child, in order to start a new life. I've had ups and downs since, mostly downs (too much to detail in my post).
Suffice it to say in that my life has been well.... complicated ever since I moved here. Complicated family, circumstances, no friends, lonely and alone for 12 years. 2) What makes you interesting in terms of separating myself from other people?
My interests/hobbies of which include the following:
3) What makes you a worthwhile person to associate in company?
- Love learning YT new cooking recipes (especially vegan recipes though I am not one)
- Watching raw footage of crime scenes, traffic accidents, police incidents/callouts
- Combat footage/combat medics in the field (especially on cases of treating VBIEDs shrapnel wounds)
- Watching archived news coverage (typically on US elections 1980-2012)
- Watching drive-bys videos of low-income inner city areas/local interviews
- Watching YT videos on US road trips & fwy signage (FreewayJim, FreewayKyle)
- Listening to publicly broadcast police scanners (especially Chicago PD) ...and being entertained by the occasional reminder from dispatch telling officers to watch their keys.
- Aviation, and watching aviation flight trip reports
- Military MREs food reviews (Nice hiss! if you understand the reference)
- Reading. Currently reading "Towards a New Maritime Strategy: American Naval Thinking in the Post Cold-War Era". Other books that I have read include: Shortest Way Home by Pete Buttigieg, Winter of the World/Edge of Eternity book series by Ken Follett, The Strain, Wayward Pines book series, World War Z by Max Brooks
- Extensive love for Music: Outlaw country/country rock/classic rock/southern rock/Motown/Philadelphia sound/R&B/Blue-eyed soul/a bit of Irish-Gaelic
- Penchant for classic TV shows: Battlestar Galactica, LOST, COPS, 12 Monkeys, Person of Interest, West Wing, The Newsroom
I have the tendency to deeply care for the people I find myself greatly comfortable with, safe even. 4) What's your favorite food and drink?
Hamburger Meat and Potato Casserole & Sweet Ice Tea. Mostly southern dishes, and Indian Pakoras/Samosas 5) What do you hope never ends?
Men who are fiercely protective, caring, overly affectionate and who have the rare ability to sacrifice their happiness for others they care about, knowing that all that matters.... is the safety, love and care for those is unwaivering and undying. 6) Where would you be rather born?
Cedar Rapids, IA 7) What songs have left an imprint on your life, enough to make you resonate with that song?
Bear McCreary - Admiral & Commander (suite) 8) What are you self-conscious about?
Whether if I'm good enough to be the best company of a gal being around a guy. Making my male friend/s happy, warm & fuzzy.... knowing I am appreciated. 9) What are you absolutely determined to do?
At the start of next year, plan to do postgrad studies on getting a Masters' in International Relations. Hoping to specialize in a career that revolves around: military policy/affairs (with possible specialization on natl. security as I have a keen interest in the future of the military in a post-9/11 era & war on terror)
, and public policy. If I had to dream (without constraints)
what job I wish to pursue in the field... i
t'd be a conservative/youth outreach director for a presidential campaign or for a political activist organization... or being a data analyst like Steve Kornacki from MSNBC since I'm actively attuned to keeping watch on the US national & battleground state polling data. However, I will remain open-minded possible as to the future of a career. 10) What TV show do you love? Why?
Battlestar Galactica (2003). Explores the life aboard a US Naval Carrier (with more drama & excitement)
with day-to-day operations, atmosphere and captures well the human condition of tragedies and hard-fought victories 11) What fictional place would you like to go?
Valhalla 12) Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?
My crayon-eating jarhead in the Marine Corps. Identical in age, but his secondary MOS is a combat marksmanship coach. Absolute in his determination to transition to a career in law enforcement (LE)
afterwards 13) What was the cringiest thing you ever said to someone?
[To my male friend of a jarhead]: "I'd imagine that I was wearing your dog tags to help me keep going" 14) Where would you spend your time if you could?
In a military flight home or to the nearest AFB providing critical care for the troops from combat zones if my possible career as a military flight nurse became a reality. 15) What was the best book you've ever read? Shortest Way Home: One Mayors' Challenge and a Model of America's Future
. Talks about the revival of a once dying mid-western city forgotten and the hope to restore it to its former image. Explores the challenges faced in an administration, teaching the importance of executive leadership 16) What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?
The future of the military and Gen Z in a post 9-11 era 17) What type of people do you admire the most?
Those from a young age, committed to going into a career of public service and first responders. Especially those heading into the marines (although I'm partial to the Navy) 18) If you were given a second chance in life, what path would've you chased? Why?
Enlisting in the RAN (Royal Australian Navy)
. I am an outcast to many in the civilian world, in traits/values especially. I would probably continued on, commissioned as an officer where I would be truly happy fostering the relationships between myself and my enlisted crew. Free of self-doubts and heavy on assurance & firmness in myself. 19) What do you have doubts about?
Whether I matter to people, they are my purpose. Whether I matter to any men that deeply care for me and are protective of me 20) What is your biggest fear?
Being alone and left behind. The lingering thought of my straight partner passing away... accepting me as MtF trans, loving me for my femininity in mind & soul. Fearing no man would ever care for me in a similar capacity of him.
Anywho, that's probably a ton, hope that's enough to warrant a reason for any prospective connections with me. Please if you're interested in messaging, include which question of mine resonated with you the most. And importantly, tell me about yourself!
I will try and get back to everyone but I am only human of course
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2020.10.31 09:38 ItsAThrowaway05 Dating has lost its magic
I used to be so excited to meet women. I remember when I was 19 talking to one of my female friends how I longer to have someone to hold hands with. It was pure, and so innocent. I had never had a date but the idea of meeting someone special would keep me up at night and it was so exciting. I got rejected by a lot of women but I kept at it knowing one day id meet the one.
Well my first girlfriend didn't work out but it was okay I was going to keep trying to meet someone. And it was still so exciting whenever I did meet someone. I would focus all my attention on just one person and I was a little obsessive looking back but I never hurt anyone and i had so much joy in the unknown.
And I honestly kept that boyish happiness and excitement until about a year ago. I dated a girl, we lived together, and then she broke my heart. I went from having very few sexual partners to a number I'm disgusted with in less than six months. New dates feel like something I "should do" but I really can't get excited about anyone. I'm currently talking to three women who are all pretty cool people but I just can't get excited over any of them. I guess I'm just afraid.
I'm no longer able to risk anything emotionally. I don't get excited over dates or people because honestly I'm terrified it won't work out, and I'll put myself out there again and be rejected. I'm distant, and get told I'm not mentally present, which is true.
I just wish I got excited about dates again, that I wasn't emotionally numb, that I had someone I wanted to spend my time with and not just fuck. I want love, but I'm afraid to give it.
I look at myself six years ago, thinking I wouldn't have sex till marriage, and it would be a special thing with one person, just so desperately wanting to hold a girl's had and be intimate and make her feel like a princess. But now I'm an absolute fuckboy. I never wanted to be this. I don't know how it happened, but it did. And I wish I learned to be emotionally available again
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2020.10.31 09:20 seasonzco Helicopter Rides in Queenstown
Queens town is one of the prime holiday destinations of the world that is loved by all types of travelers. No matter you are looking for a peaceful trip to enjoy nature, or having some fun and adventure; Queensland has it all packed for you. While Queenstown is a perfect destination for spending your holidays, it’s also a great choice for a destination wedding, and honeymoon too.
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- love is in the air and in Queensland, it truly is!! Queensland has witnessed thousands of proposals to date, and there would be millions more. Taking a helicopter ride to a secluded, breath-taking spot in Queensland to propose your partner will go without a hitch. Many such places have exclusive landings in some stunning locations that will make the moment more special.
Guess how excited it would be to take the love of your life to the top of a mountain that is surrounded by a white snowy blanket and propose them right there. There is no way this plan can fail, and this can be a unique proposal that your partner can expect. So we suggest taking a helicopter, land in style, and surprise your partner. Destination weddings in style
- destination weddings are more than just a wedding; it is a celebration of new life that is shared by two people in their dream places. Queenstown has always been a preferred place to have such intimate affairs. Helicopters are also part of some weddings. Take a ride to the mesmerizing wedding venue of Queensland in a helicopter and make a grand entry like king/queen. It will surely make your wedding look costly, royal, and adds fun to your wedding day.
For an extra memorable event like a wedding, a helicopter ride will be great. Most of the companies providing helicopter riding services have their wedding planner, decorate artist, hairdresser-makeup artist, photographer, and other needed marriage service too. They can arrange the whole wedding as well if you want to hire them to arrange it all. Honeymoon & Birthdays
- if you are planning a vacation for your honeymoon or birthday of your special someone, then we suggest you book a helicopter tour as well. It will make your day extra special, make your partner happy, and make your honeymoon album look spectacular with stunning backgrounds.
Source Link: https://scangator.com/listing/seasonz-39442 http://co.nz.domhold.com/seasonz.co.nz
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2020.10.31 08:42 Composer-Practical Self-regulating when a partner goes through a breakup?
Apologies for the long post,,, I’ll try to answer any questions in the comments if it doesn’t make sense. This is my first year actually practicing polyamory and not just knowing it was something I wanted. After going through a somewhat traumatic breakup last year I started practicing solo poly or something like it (at first I was moreso just sleeping around tbh) and I started seeing someone (let’s call them K) who I caught feelings for hard.
This was nerve-wracking, as I was trying to focus on working on better anxiety coping skills and other mental health stuff and after my last relationship I felt pretty ill-equipped to be a good emotional support for anyone, so it was initially very important to me not to get romantically involved with anyone who didn’t have at least one other partner. But K lived with their nesting partner (B) who I was also friends with and attracted to, and I can’t stress enough how hard I fell for K. B and I hooked up a few times but ultimately I set the boundary with them that despite our chemistry I didn’t want to date because the way that they process their anxiety sometimes is very triggering/escalating for mine and vice versa. It’s been a hard boundary not to blur sometimes but it’s been the right one for us both I think. Things have been really great for the past several moths with things between K and I getting more serious and B and I having an intimate friendship as metas.
K and B broke up as romantic partners recently but remain friends and are continuing to cohabitate though and suddenly I can’t sleep from how anxious the situation is making me? I care quite a lot about both of these people and I’m pretty sure this is a me problem that I need to work out because they have both assured me that while the dynamic change has been weird they feel safe and haven’t had any resentment between them come up. I’m doing my best to support K in whatever ways they need right now, but I keep catching myself spiraling and assuming the worst based on how badly it went for me when I had to cohabitate with an ex a year ago. Also I never felt any jealousy before this shift, but now that they aren’t partners I’m suddenly finding myself jealous of how much time that K spends with B? Im sure I must be projecting and worrying too much because of how my ex got aggressive when we had to cohabitate after breaking up even though the situation started out amicably, but I can’t stop worrying that these two people I care a lot about are going to lash out and hurt each other by trying to cohabitate after breaking up... I also just never really expected to find myself as anyone’s primary partner at this point and feel too fragile / out of my depth to be sure I’m not going to horribly fuck it up but it’s also not a shift in dynamic that I would want to terminate things with K over because I love them?
Basically my question is if there’s anything I can do to be a good partner and support to K while they process this breakup, a good friend to B while they go though it as well, and what can I do to look at the situation more objectively and stop projecting and spiralling? Unfortunately I don’t think I can really talk to either K or B about how I’m feeling about all of this without my anxiety making everything worse... thanks for reading this if you did
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2020.10.31 07:32 ta34520458520610 47M and just learning the name "cptsd"; been here my whole life
a good friend and former partner mentioned cptsd to me on a zoom chat about 2 months ago. said she was finding it useful and learning a bunch, for herself. recommended a book. finally got around 2 days ago to looking deeper. waow. the last 48h have been pretty intense, deep dive into this area.
seems this well-characterizes what i've been dealing with my. entire. life. reading the first chapter of "the complete cptsd workbook", and other sources, I'm highlighting a third of the the causes and symptoms. it's like a roadmap of my past issues, self work, and remaining topics. it's given me a name for what I've been through
thank you all for sharing. reading these posts has been cathartic and empowering.
as for me, to share:
- growing up afraid. fear and anger are mostly the only emotions I recall from early life
- unreliable and absent caregivers
- constant repetitive shaming as the only method of punishment by one caregiver parent
- absence and ridicule by my other parent. inability to respond to expressed fears and needs. zero physical affection
- bed wetting until age 9
- repeated physical and sexual and emotional abuse, both specific and long term. 5yo sexual trauma(by physicians, a "treatment"), 5yo physical trauma (nearly lost my leg), 11yo sexual assault (anal rape by my pediatrician), ... on and on, into my early 30s
- near-total lack of social interaction throughout childhood
- 10y of zero physical contact from ages 11-21
- all early sexual exposure from and with pornography, only. zero connection to parents for discussion or guidance, siblings, friends, or partners
- series of terribly failed early relationships starting in my mid 20s, a marriage and divorce, single parenting, 15 years of family court, ... too much to list, (though a clear pattern of increasingly healthy, more positive and authentic connections)
- life-long suicidal thoughts (and plans)
- complex, significant physical tension, holding and pain including hamstrings, glutes, lower back and gut
- mid-30s hospitalization for a pulmonary embolism resulting from such severe depression I stopped moving for about a week
- hyper-vigilance with all people
- backwards and wrong understanding of the world and myself
- self-depreciating and self hatred and self blaming
- hiding and pretending and learning to live with and deal with all of this without support. lol, most people would measure me as "successful" by most US metrics.
- greatly improved but as yet fully unresolved physical pain. work: yoga and meditation, dance and exercise all act in concert, I've made great progress so far, and see the path to resolve these
- rare but clear, strong suicidal thoughts. work: hold the most loving, caring, kind space for whatever parts of me want to die
- semi-periodic total-bed-sweats (nightmares?) with zero recall. happen especially if not alone, but sometimes alone too. sometimes months without, sometimes a few times a month. any intimate contact that leads to sleep typically indices these "bed sweats". work: I don't have a specific way to work on this yet. a few times I recall the dreams, and need to write them down more
- loss of distinction between the past and the present - still apply childhood fears and habits to current situations. work: staying super present and feeling into the situation, processing and understanding practice, titrating fully through physical and emotional triggers
- deep, ongoing loneliness. social avoidance, lack of friends and social interactions. work: been asking people to spend time with me. reactions are still triggering, so it's hard.
- ineffective interpersonal skills - near-debilitation/deep-seated avoidance/fear of rejection that has prevented approaching or talking to potential romantic or intimate partners, anyone with whom there might be attraction. work: been clearly expressing my interest when I can get to it. stopping, slowing down when I feel a sense of attraction. fully feeling the sense of shame and self-hatred that arises as I approach the action of expressing romantic interest, and sitting with it. this one is happening really slowly. it's really hard.
- still learning more self care
thank you to anyone who reads this. it's just helpful for me to get real, to admit and accept where I've been. the healing process transforms reactions defensiveness into guardians and strength; once through the process, it's amazing to see how it all works. I've healed a lot, and have lot more to heal.
I'm now connected with some amazing teachers, and have the resources and support I need, though it's still a lonely road. just keep doing the work.
to everyone else in the community, sending love and support
to all the other survivors. keep sharing. keep healing. you are loved.
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2020.10.31 06:02 Curq19 How triggering would your own past be to another RJ sufferer?
Posting in case this is an interesting/helpful perspective, even if you have not had casual relationships.
Would your partner going through the microscopic detail of things you've done in the past feel triggered if they had the same RJ as you? If they saw messages, saw photos, knew the details of experiences you shared, intimate & otherwise, with another person?
Is it possible that they might feel hurt, or empty, or less special if they were aware of the details, even though you know they have no reason to feel that way, because you know that your past does not make your present less special or unique, that you know that they are what's important to you and that's why you're with them and don't think at all about who you were with before
Perhaps hard to apply if this is your first relationship, but in a way you now have a past too?
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2020.10.31 05:41 taro-flavored Partner (40F) is hyper vigilant about COVID-19 prevention to the point where she doesn't want to kiss or be intimate with me (32F).
Alternative account because this is so embarrassing, but I need clarification if this is normal behavior.
My partner and I live together, and we have been together for over ten years. When COVID-19 impacted our community we didn't want to jeopardize our health. We have been incredibly proactive using COVID-19 prevention. We are still quarantining and working at home with the exception of grabbing weekly groceries and doing small errands around town. We wear our masks and wash our hands, always.
She has been the one to make sure we are always protected, but it has gotten to the point where she has developed an obsession to stay safe and clean. Like, she doesn't want to kiss me, make out, or be intimate with me anymore. I tell her that we are both safe, but she doesn't want to chance it. I think she is being a little ridiculous, and I am starting to feel like a lonely roommate who shares the bed with her. I know that she loves me and cares for me, and I reciprocate these feelings, but this is...too much. I miss intimacy.
Couples: Are you still kissing each other? Having sex during the pandemic?
How can I rationalize with her obsessive behavior and help her see my side?
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2020.10.31 05:05 RedHeadReviews Ariana Grande’s ‘Positions’ - A Case Of Style Over Substance - Album Review
In an attempt to navigate new audiences and transcend genre barriers, an artist’s credibility is often held in limbo. For some, the change provokes an undiscovered edge, something fresh, and a clear cut explanation as to why the stylistic overhaul has taken place. The flip side, however, often proves detrimental to the status of the artist, as I find it leaves a permanent mark within the discography, that I’d bet my money on them wanting to forget. An artist who is currently caught in the crossfire is reigning pop princess Ariana Grande. Defining herself as a staple, and a cultural pop monolith head and shoulders above the competition as of late, it’s clear she’s decided to usher in her next era. Whilst her venture into r&b has inevitably been in the cards, with Ariana and fans alike foaming at the very thought of it, her efforts carry all the usual stylistic suspects, with all the unfortunate substanceless baggage.
While it’s unquestionable that ‘Positions’ is first and foremost Ariana’s official claim to the top of the r&b ladder, I want nothing more than to perceive it as a minor detour away from her humble pop roots. Although I had reason to believe ‘Positions’ would yet again trump the Ariana discography, given her previous triumphant streaks that saw her entertain the kooky eccentricity of Pharrell Williams on ‘Sweetener’, and later, master an honest rendition of pop with the heartbreakingly introspective ‘thank u, next’, ‘Positions’ less than glamourous roll-out should have indicated anything but a continued hot streak. I suppose that’s where the suspicions grew from. As Ariana deviated from a blue-print she had made her own, the less and less relevant to its successors ‘Positions’ would become.
What started as cautious apprehension, became an unfortunate reality upon the release of the album’s lead single, ‘Positions’. Sure, it boasts those trademark Grande vocals as she showers us with this sensual prowess, sounding like a seductive temptress, all whilst preaching of being a dedicated lover, but outside of what feels like a guarantee, given Ariana’s proven vocal pedigree, it’s all just so forgettable. With its toothless, overproduced instrumental, subpar application of her range and this inaudible enunciation - a blast from the past that consistently haunts Grande on ‘Positions’ - I struggle to believe that this was Ariana putting her best foot forward.
Things don’t get much better when approaching the album in its intended canonical form. We have the opener ‘shut up’, which in retrospect is a highlight, but feels more like an interlude than the formal opener to the next chapter of Grande’s career. It easy on the ears with its enchanting arrangement of multi-textured vivacious strings and frolicking piano passages, met with Grande’s angelic ‘fuck you’ statement - or in this case, her authoritative ‘shut up’ anthem - to those who pry too intently on her private matters. Grande has a knack historically of getting it right with these inviting openers, yet here ‘shut up’ feels like an unrefined, last-minute addition to fit the bill.
Where her magnum opus ‘thank u, next’ saw Ariana inviting us into the crushing lows of reality by her lonesome, ‘Positions’ is a more familiar approach to the Grande ethos as she enlists the help of some of music's juggernauts. We have the monolithic ‘off the table’ which sees Ariana and The Weeknd going back and forth, complimenting each other both stylistically and lyrically. Ariana finds herself in a place of insecurity, concerned with devoting herself unquestionably whilst Abel plays the role of the antithesis, acting as the nurturing embrace and reassuring guide that holds her hand along her path of doubt. It is a stunning display of two artists strutting the height of their vocal prowess, as this theatrical display of love brings the best of the both of them.
I fail to justify singing the same praise to the other collaborative cuts that find their way onto the record. However hard she tries, Ariana’s efforts to squeeze a painfully apparent lack of life out of her contemporaries just comes across as awkward. ‘Motive’ sees the likes of Grande and Doja Cat sharing a stage, a collaboration that on paper feels like a match made in heaven, only for the two to mix like oil and water. It feels as if Doja Cat is hellbent on sabotaging the track as she contests everything that works here. Taking a page out of Chance the Rapper’s book, Doja adopts these hideous vocal inflections and a particularly irritating nasally delivery to stain an otherwise slick and feverish experience. Things don’t fare much better on ‘safety net’ as Ty Dolla $ign continues his hot streak of underwhelming performances. Here, he leaves a lot to be desired as he struggles to hold his own against the vocal tenacity of Ariana in this cutesy lovers duet.
Where the new-born stage of her career was suggestive of Ariana being yet another name for the pop world to inevitably chew through and forget, it feels as if she has defied the odds as of late by consistently wowing either thematically or sonically. This is where ‘Positions’ unambitious light and regressive nature truly come into play. Rife with raunchy imagery, an outright horny demeanor, and its lustful roots, sure there’s potential for that mature and intimate r&b record Ariana has long been dabbling with, but what we’ve been given just feels so on the nose and generic. The pinnacle of this disregard for subtlety is on ‘34+35’. Ariana quite literally removes the wit from the numerical phrase, as if it wasn’t obvious enough, as she spells out her lustful intentions “Means I wanna "69" with you” on this dysfunctional sex jam.
The infatuation with bluntly expressed desires and the absence of the idea of beauty within the metaphor continues as Ariana exhibits some of her most underwritten and nondescript tracks to date. We have the offensively generic ‘just like magic’ which punches well below its weight in virtually every way possible outside of Ariana’s liberating vocal performance. Here, Ariana glosses over her accomplishments and achievements in a celebratory fashion. Whilst I’m all for an artist taking pride in their craft, I struggle to see what Ariana’s rendition of hollow braggadocio brings to the table. It feels like such a slap in the face having experienced just how in-depth and visceral Ariana has proven her story-telling talents to be in the past, to now hear her sell herself short with this by the books approach.
Looking past ‘Positions’ supremely subpar presentation and its gentrified landscapes, and I feel we get the occasional glimpse into the album Ariana so desperately wanted this to be. We get raunchy done right on the anything but coy ‘nasty’. Built upon a spine of those synonymous dreamy, delicate synth passages, don’t be fooled by its pretty and innocent presentation, as the track is anything but the tale of a damsel in distress it’d have you believe. It’s steamy, sexy, flirtatious and everything in between, as Ariana dedicates herself to her primal desires as she yearns for physical intimacy. Another strong point in the tracklist is the classy ‘love language’. With its zany fluttering synth melodies, flamboyant keys, and luxurious string movements, there’s a real vintage flair that ignites Ariana’s most gorgeous vocal performance across the album.
Thankfully, we end on a positive note, both metaphorically and literally, as the album’s closer, ‘pov’, preaches a particularly heartwarming sentiment that sticks with me long after conclusion. It’s a game of perspectives and intrigue, as Ariana finds herself wanting to live vicariously through her partner to learn to love and accept herself the way others do. Brought to life with these poignant synths and soaring strings, the arrangement is, simply put, pure euphoria and pure bliss. It is a simply breathtaking final moment as Ariana incorporates her most angelic and impassioned performance on ‘Positions’, as she pulls out all the stops on this theatrical exploration of what it is to be a human.
‘Positions’ really feels like a missed opportunity and a glimpse of Ariana regressing back to her old ways. Whilst I appreciate her willingness to branch out, and feed an outlet she has been teetering on the cusp of for years now, this feels like anything but the long-awaited r&b classic I expected it to be. Even when trimmed to its tidy 41 minute run time, and at only 14 tracks, ‘Positions’ is predominantly filler that comes off as serviceable due to just how easy on the ears it all is. It’s painfully obvious that this thing is built on the mantra of style over substance, as she conforms to a great deal of the usual tropes, but with none of that grand promise, exciting revelations, or heartache lyricism that very few have managed to pull off just as seamlessly as Grande. In many ways, I feel the shtick leaves Ariana feeling like a fish out of water. Try as I might, her application here, time and time again leaves me wanting more as I am constantly left trailing off, thinking back to just how much more complimentary and organic Ariana felt in the genre where she reigned supreme for a reason.
Positions - Ariana Grande - 5/10
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2020.10.31 05:01 naughty_and_knotty Vegansexual or Veganromantic?
So I've noticed the term bantered about, vegansexual, indicating vegans only attracted to other vegans sexually.
But I've noticed that as an older vegan man, well over a year vegan, that my dating took a hit a bit, even before the pandemic. Toward the end of last year and early this year I went on a few dates with non-vegans, who were "could never give up cheese" or "meat is part of my culture" type omnis.
I can't imagine being in a relationship with a non-vegan now. With a lot of care and practice, I've finally gotten my pre-teen omni son, whom I have half of the time, to truly enjoy my vegan cooking. I'm actually a bit of an amateur vegan chef now as a result. But I think back to prior dating experiences, which were significantly easier prior to my becoming vegan.
However, months of touch starvation and lack of dating has kind of re-aligned my thinking. I realized that I'm far more likely to be up for spending time with vegan friends, than non vegan friends. My best friend, whom I spend a lot of time with, is vegan and she loves my cooking. I find my need of companionship to be fulfilled by my vegan friends.
But I do have needs as a human being, and I realize I think I may be veganromantic, if there is such a thing. Much like someone who is say bisexual, but heteroromantic, I can conceive of being intimate with a non-vegan, but a real relationship isn't something I could bring myself to have with an omni. Honestly, I'm very much relationship focused in dating, but I'm not made out of stone. I keep turning down potential women to date for no other reason than they're not vegan, and maybe I should open myself up to having fun, but when conversations of "where is this relationship going?" would be met with my sharing that while they are filling their bodies with animal-born cholesterol, my heart isn't available.
I know it's common with some vegans to convert non-vegan dating partners, but I've encountered too many people that aren't amenable to giving up anything for compassionate reasons. I started realizing that maybe I could start seeing an attractive acquaintance, who likes my cooking posts, but is a determined omni. She flirts with me a lot and my goal is definitely not to hurt her as she seems more open to something casual.
Any thoughts on this?
Edit: since it's come up more than once, I don't support the idea of using "vegansexual" or "veganromantic" as actual terms, and was using them in more a tongue-in-cheek quick description, much like the subtley derogatory term "omni". Outside of conversation with a fellow vegan, I would simply state "not inclined to date or have sex with a non-vegan. This is not a sexual orientation, merely a moral preference set.
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2020.10.31 04:41 TheFairyRing Do people (men in particular) seek out relationships because they don't have any close friends?
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't have any friends, it's just that I'm not as close to them as I were with my old friends. I never felt a deep need for a relationship back then — I had all the emotional support and company I ever needed. But now, it's different... I feel starved for intimate conversations and a sense of belonging, appreciation, maybe even dependency.
Thus I wondered, apart from sex, is that why people crave relationships in the first place? Thinking about it, I must have been in a pretty privileged position before I left. Most people do not seem to have as close a connection with their friends as I had. With their partner though... Now that's a different story. Phrases such as "the light of my life" and "my sunshine" certainly seems to indicate something of the sort. Others talk of the darkness creeping around the edges, the desperation of the lonely moments which punctuate our lives. Is that where the need for love comes from? A want for the promise that we won't die alone?
Perhaps it's just part of growing up. I'm 21 right now and would historically start a family soon if I hadn't already gotten one. In fact, throughout most of human history, I'd be lucky to reach 30. That would mean that if there is a biological clock telling me to procreate, it would've started now.
Went off on a bit of a tangent there! * Anyway, what do you guys think? Does this hold any water or no? Would I (and others) have felt the same, even with true friends standing by my side?
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2020.10.31 04:12 Killson Help me understand why she lied
So I asked my girlfriend when we first started to get intimate what she thought of my dick. She told me it was okay. I asked her to elaborate because I’m just a curious inexperienced guy. She told me she has had longer and thicker from multiple partners. At first this hurt my ego but I was able to bounce back because 1 guy cheated on her and you would say the other 3 guys raped her if you knew their stories. So I knew I would be in good standings if we continued to see each other.
Fast forward about a year or 2. I asked her what her friends talked about on girls night. After a few attempts of pressuring her to tell me she gives in and says they talked about how long and thick my penis is. I ask about details and for the first time every she is saying all these wonderful things about my penis. I was shocked because this whole time I’m just thinking I’m average when it comes to measurements. So jokingly I ask how do I compare to past partners and she says I’m the thickest by far and maybe an inch shorter or longer than a previous. So then I asked do you remember that time when I asked you how do I compare. She replied quickly with “Oh I lied.” So then I asked why did you lie and she replied with “I don’t know... I was scared of your dick.”
So my question is why would she lie and witch one is the true lie. I don’t really care about her past partners or my measurements because I love her and I know she loves me. The fact that she lied bothers me so much.
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2020.10.31 03:38 diiaphxnousbutterfly Topic Suggestion & Discussion
Hey everyone + Sofia! I want to bring this up since it hits home to me and hasn’t been discussed, even on CHD. (I used to write in helplessly about this topic but it never caught their eye lol) Even is Sofia doesn’t address it, I would appreciate it so much if anyone can give advice or weigh in on the discussion. Before I start, I have to say this has been such a positive and judge free zone and I love it so so much! I would ponder for up to an hour before posting on the CHD reddit because I was anxious of getting negative or toxic backlash responses haha. This may be longer than intended so if so, my apologies!
Now lets talk about it: AWFUL Mother-in-laws!!
Let me preface this by giving some background info... I have been with my partner for years! We are each other’s first loves, first times, etc. We started in middle school (8th grade) and made it through high school. He went to community college and I ended up not going to college at all as it wasn’t what I felt I wanted to do and Ive been the happiest I have ever been these recent years. I have a really great, fun full time job and basically the plan is to just continue to make and save money so we can move out of state and in together. (He has one more year left of school but is taking a break as the virtual experience is not suitable for him.)
Okay so now let me really get into it. Again, sorry that this is unorganized and long! So way back years ago ever since we started dating, his mother has seriously had an out for me. She’s a single parent, and it was just them two.. I honestly still believe to this day that she was seriously upset about him having another female in his life that was not her. From the very beginning of our relationship she would constantly complain that we were spending too much time together, that we weren’t hanging out with our friends (which was total BS because we had the same friend groups in common that we ALWAYS were with!) He would walk me home from school and she would call asking where he was, insisting he comes straight home even when she was working so that he couldn’t come to my house. She would be extremely jealous that my family would invite him over and take him out for dinner, go places, everything. If it wasn’t her bringing him the happiness it wasn’t ok... Fast forward that summer- him, our mutual friend, and I got caught shoplifting. (Lol so on brand) Unfortunately he was the one who was holding the bag of all the merchandise so they only held him in the back room and insisted on his mother coming. The three of us DREADED the idea, we even offered to just give it back or pay it all instead of her coming lol. Lets just say It wasn’t pretty. After that, all hell broke loose! She proceeded to drop us off at my house and had our friend’s parents come as well. She was yelling at us mostly and then had our parents chime in later. She took my boyfriend’s phone and grounded him for the ENTIRE SUMMER. No phone. No visiting or talking to me. No leaving the house except for sports and work. Just as if that isn’t intense enough.... This woman went through his phone, every inch of it. On multiple occasions, as late as 12am and early at 8am, she would show up to my house, having shows and tells with my parents. She showed them photos we exchanged, intimate texts. She let them know we had lost our virginities. It was horrifying! It was so embarrassing. Things I planned to tell my own mother myself were warped into her narrative that I was this awful human that was turning her son into a monster. We would occasionally sneak to see each other and she would drive around town until she found us so tht she could make him get in the car and leave me there. Even after that summer I went to boarding school for one year and she even continued it so far then that my parents made a 4hr drive to ask me if I was taking HEROINE. (This was based off a photo I sent to him of RITALIN that my roommate was hiding in her shoe, I wasn’t taking them) It took me a year to gain trust from my parents! They seriously believed the lies and drama this woman created. Fortunately after a year of all the bs my dad finally said what the f is wrong with this woman? Can she just stop? She went out of her way so heavily to try to keep us apart. Even when I was at boarding school hours away... She never once let him come visit me there. She would read letters we were writing and to this day I still wonder if there were any she kept from him.
After freshman year of HS I decided boarding school wasn’t for me. I really missed my home friends and of course my boyfriend. My older siblings went to this school so I had always wanted to go but it just wasn’t for me. I also just didn’t take school as seriously as someone attending there should. His mom was very unhappy to hear I was coming back to town lol no surprise there. Thankfully she backed off after that and just let us be. Now there is a lot I left out but it took her five years to address everything she did to me, to us! And tbh it wasn’t real apologies, just “sorry i did what i needed to do to protect my son”.
Now that even though he is almost finished with college and made the choice for himself to take a break until in-person classes can start up again, she is back at it with the crazy. She calls him a bum, says this is going to make him unsuccessful, etc. (This makes me wonder what she’s been saying abt me all these years not going at all) She doesn’t see that this is what’s best for him and his learning experience and just constantly shits on him for it. She took him off their phone plan, and health insurance. In the most recent months she has been majorly displaying signs of personality disorders. She is a severe narcissist who can NEVER take accountability or see herself in the wrong. She thinks she is the best mother, even though his entire childhood she was pretty much absent. He spent his nights eating dinner alone, yet still gets mad to this day that he always has dinner with me or when we go out with parents from time to time. She never cared to or cares to check on him mentally/emotionally. Its just such an unfortunate situation. Thankfully today he is aware of all her tendencies (he wasn’t always) and is slowly starting to really distance himself because she just has been so so toxic. Im in therapy and its just so exhausting that years later she is still playing this negative role in our lives and takes up half an hour of my session bc shes the main stressor in my life!
I guess what Im asking is.... Does it get better? Will it get better? How can I not let this exhaust and stress me out so much? How do we deal??? It just SUCKS so heavily that she is his mother bc she uses it to her advantage and ofc its just difficult for him bc its the only immediate family he has. She went to his grandmother, (who basically raised him) telling her lies and fake narratives to the point where she lost respect for him and its hard for her to want to talk to him.. Its SO F’d up. And sadly enough, this woman will never ever go to therapy unfortunately. I know that we’ve been able to do it for years on end but its just so tiring. We are confident and mutual in saying that we will be spending our lives together and it just sucks that she may have to be apart of it. I have the most welcoming, loving parents that treat him like their own to this day and THISSSSS is what I get??? He has told her many times that we are forever and so devoted to each other, but she still refers to me as “IF im the one” my bf will marry.... AHHHH!!!
SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. Im surprised if anyone actually read thru this and if so THANK YOU! I guess i just needed to rant. None of my friends can relate as none of them are in serious relationships or the others are still in college or grad school dealing with bigger things. It just felt like a safe place to go to. Im tired of wasting my therapy sessions on this woman. I encourage and ask that anyone in this position or similar, or had dealt with something like this to please come forward with your stories and advice!
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2020.10.31 03:30 infjlyfe After being poly for many years without ever having a monogamous relationship, I suddenly want one.
I'm having a doozy of an identity crisis. I'm in my 30s and spent my 20s exploring polyamory and having many committed relationships (some lasting for quite a number of years). I wasn't just poly - I was SUPER poly. I was known as the queen of compersion. I had never had a mono relationship and when I found polyamory it felt like everything clicked. That feeling combined with the fact that compersion came easy to me made me think I'm naturally poly and will practice some form of it throughout my life.
Now I suddenly am enticed by monogamy. The thing that I consciously and desperately avoided for so many years. Before, I thought monogamy sounded constricting and unhealthy. Now it sounds.... deep? More intimate? Fun?!
I've had several extremely deep poly relationships. But I've also been highly mistreated as a secondary through several experiences. I was mostly solo poly so never really experienced the other side of couple's privilege. Is that bad that I wish I did? I wish I had to worry about abusing couple's privilege.
I haven't had the energy to date in years and my long term relationship ended several months ago after trying to salvage it all year. Is it possible that I haven't truly wanted poly for a long time and my desires for relationships have permanently shifted? Or is this feeling temporary?
I don't know what's happening to me, and part of me is really worried that if I follow this desire to enter a monogamous relationship that I'll end up wanting to open up years down the line and drive my (future) partner away.
Does anyone have experience with this kind of "poly burnout"? Or identity crises between extreme sides of the spectrum? Thank you. <3
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2020.10.31 03:23 throwaway478272722 Would these "laws of attraction" be accurate?
After thinking for some time, I have found that there are certain conditions that must be met for a relationship to work. The full thing is in the next paragraph, but let's first make a summary: 1= For a relationship to work , the woman and the man must both feel a physical and emotional attraction towards each other. A physical attraction is being attracted to the way someone physically looks. An emotional attraction is the emotional and intimate bond between 2 lovers (What the term "love" describes) 2=If the above rule is violated continuously, the relationship will eventually fail. A physical attraction could be lost if either partner has a radical change in appearance that causes them to be seen as ugly. E.g: Either partner gains alot of weight, the man loses muscle mass (only an issue if the man was muscular when he first started dating the woman), if either partner develops a medical condition or has a surgery that could cause very visible scarring/disfigurement. E.g: Either partner has a facial disfigurement after a car crash. The last cause of a loss of physical attraction is either partner simply changing their preference of physique in a partner. Emotional attraction is lost by persistent disagreements or either partner changing their behaviour into something that their partner dislikes. The relationship wouldn't normally end as soon as the laws of attraction are violates. However, if the laws are consistently violated, the relationship will end.
For a relationship with a gf to work, 2 conditions must be met. Condition 1: The woman must feel physical AND emotional attraction towards the man. Condition 2: The man must feel physical AND emotional attraction towards the woman. If one condition is violated, the relationship won't end instantly, but the longer the condition is violated for the more likely it is that a break up will happen. For physical attraction, a man just needs to be 3-5 inches taller then the woman, and needs to be skinny or a bit overweight at the bare minimum. Emotional attraction wise, there isn't a universal personality that all women will gravitate to. However, some beneficial traits to have in a personality are: Being calm, having a spine, being funny and being open minded. Another trait that isnt related to personality, but would help is having similar interests. Arguments can cause the emotional attraction component to be violated, and hence result in a breakup if continued over time. Physical attraction can only really be violated if someone gains alot of weight, loses muscle, the partner has a new preference for a different type of body (e.g: the woman suddenly prefers more muscular men), or a combination of the 3 factors that were mentioned in this sentence.
If there are any questions or grammatical/logical errors, send a message and I can clarify something or change errors depending on what the question is.
submitted by throwaway478272722
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]